so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
