why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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