Your face is a jimmy john
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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