I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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