I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
