I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
