i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
