Fuck appropriateness.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
