you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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