did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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