so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
