it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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