I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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