I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
