the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
