Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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