So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
