You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
