why didn't you poke me back
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
