I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wish you could order shots online.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
