So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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