There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
