life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
