Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
