I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
