two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
