I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
