chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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