I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
