He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
