Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
