Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
