I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
