The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
