id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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