We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
