There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
