a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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