His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
