Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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