So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
