laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i think i have two assholes
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
