grandma shit on top of the toilet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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