I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I skipped work to stalk him.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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