sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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