I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
