Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
