So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
