this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
