Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
