i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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