I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
