I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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